Edith
by Loveedith
Summary: Bertie walks away from Edith. What happens after that? AU after 6:8
1. Edith

Bertie tried to look as if he didn't care as he walked away from Edith towards Downton Abbey with his hands on his back.

In reality he was in a turmoil of emotions. He loved Edith so much. And he was so disappointed in her.

And he had told her that it was over, although it broke his own heart to say those words.

Marigold was Edith's own daughter. And Edith hadn't had enough trust in him to tell him that in person. What kind of man did she think he was, really? An old-fashioned Victorian? Unable to deal with the modern world? Why didn't she trust him?

Instead he had had to hear it from her sister. The shock of that had made it impossible for him to pretend that he already knew.

He had felt so humiliated.

She didn't trust him at all, it seemed. How would he ever be able to trust her after that?

...

Life was dreadful. He had lost Peter.

All the way in the taxi Bertie kept thinking about Peter. That he would never see him again. That Peter was gone for ever. That nice, friendly man that Bertie had played with as a child. The closest to an older brother he had ever had.

...

Bertie had been sad when he started out on this journey, but he was even sadder now.

Because when he started out he knew that he had Edith to kiss and comfort him. Now he didn't even know who Edith was. He had lost her also, at least the Edith he had known.

Edith's own daughter, that sweet little girl, who must be the most important person in Edith's life - and she hadn't dared to tell Bertie about her. Bertie, who had very much hoped that he himself was becoming an important person in her life also. And shown Edith that in every possible way.

But obviously he was not important enough to Edith to be told the truth.

No - Bertie made up his mind to stop thinking about Edith. It was over.

He had fallen in love with her but it seemed he hadn't really known who she was. He had fallen in love with a dream. Did they know each other at all?

But he just couldn't stop thinking about Edith, not even now.

When she had told him how wonderful she had thought her life was going to be with him he had been very close to take her in his arms again and kiss her and forgive her everything. If he only had had more time before getting to the train...

No, no, no this was not the way he should think about her. He had to stop it. It was over.

...

It was over! Soon he would be on the plane, and that would perhaps be exciting enough to keep his mind on other things.

But until then he just couldn't stop thinking about her.

Deep down he couldn't really believe it was over.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment!

This is to be continued, at least if you want me to.

...

I reused part of my story _Over_ that I wrote before seeing 6:8. It turned out to be very much canon - Bertie can accept that Edith has a daughter but not that she didn't trust him enough to tell him.

...

Actually, I honestly think Edith and Bertie will be alright. The only thing that worries me is that someone left a wedding invitation for their wedding in a church - that is just the thing DA would do to trick us.

Or that Gregson would come back - I would really hate that.

...

Mary/Talbot was really unbelievable. Coldest love story ever. But at least I'm happy Tom didn't end up with Mary.


	2. Bertie

I should have told him, I should have told him, I should have told him...

The wheels of the train seemed to be singing those words as Edith headed for London. Bertie had been on the train before this one, but she wasn't going after him. She knew it was over. Instead she was now going to bury herself in work. Just like the day after Anthony had jilted her at the altar, when she had decided to get out of bed and be the useful spinster.

She had come a long way since that day, she realised. She had a useful work to do now, not just arranging presents for her prettier relations. She should find her happiness in work, and in Marigold of course. She would find a way to bring her daughter to London eventually, but Edith realised that Marigold was better off with her cousins in Downton than with a nanny in London, as long as she was small and Edith's parents lived.

Sybbie had become a loving older sister to Edith's little girl.

The kind of older sister Edith never had had.

...

Bertie would have accepted Marigold, he had said so himself and she was sure that he wasn't lying. He was an even better man than she knew him to be. If she only had known that...

Edith wished Bertie's cousin hadn't died. She wished it for Bertie's sake, of course, and for her own. She would have liked to meet this man who had played such an important role in Bertie's life.

But besides that, things wouldn't have been so rushed if Bertie's cousin hadn't died. Bertie wouldn't have been in such a hurry to get an answer from her if that hadn't happened. And Mary wouldn't have been so envious if Edith was to marry a simple land agent instead of a Marquess. Edith would have had time to tell Bertie in private.

But perhaps it wouldn't have mattered. Perhaps she wouldn't have dared to tell him anyhow. Every time she had it on the tip of her tongue she had hesitated. She had been too afraid that he would turn his back on her. She had wanted to bask in the sunlight of his love for just a little bit longer. She feared that it was the last short time of happiness with a man that she was going to get in her life. That it would all be over the minute she told him.

He was right that she hadn't trusted him.

...

Edith had told Bertie about Michael Gregson. It was unavoidable when showing him her flat and the magazine. She had told him about Michael's mad wife and about him going to Germany to try to get a divorce, and how he had disappeared almost immediately and been found dead very much later.

The only thing she hadn't told Bertie about was that last night before Michael left, the night which had resulted in Marigold. She had actually told him everything except the most important thing.

She had also told him about Anthony. About Anthony telling her that she had given him back his life and then leaving her at the altar. How confused and humiliated she had been after that.

...

Edith found that she actually didn't blame Mary for what had happened.

Edith did regret complaining about Mary at the breakfast table, though. Bertie, who had just lost his cousin, didn't need to hear that. He didn't need to hear that the woman he loved and her sister couldn't get along, when life could be so much shorter than one expected.

Which both Mary and Edith ought to be aware of.

Perhaps Mary hadn't been so nasty if Edith hadn't done that. Perhaps Mary hadn't spilt the beans then. But still - the beans needed spilling.

Afterwards, Edith had told Mary she was a bitch and some other well-deserved truths. She didn't regret saying that, it had been building up for so long and Mary needed to hear it just as much as Edith needed to say it.

But Bertie's leaving was entirely Edith's own fault she realised.

...

And the wheels of the train kept singing: I should have told him, I should have told him...

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! And thank you for all the lovely and interesting comments.

...

I have six more chapters lined out for this story, eight in all. But we will see, my stories tend to start living their own lives.


	3. Laura

After Spratt had left the office, Edith and Laura exploded in a paroxysm of laughter.

...

"Just think that I was considering consulting Cassandra Jones on my way here on the train", Edith laughed. "Well, not really, but anyway."

"Well you won't do that now, I'm sure."

"No", Edith said. "But still, I'm quite happy that it was him. Gave me a good laugh and made me forget my own sorrows. About Bertie."

"Oh. That's good I think."

Edith thought for a moment. She still needed to talk about this. Just mentioning Bertie's name had made her feel all warm inside. He was so wonderful, it would take time for her to get over him. And Laura had said that she liked him.

"Shall I tell you why he didn't want to marry me any longer?" Edith asked hesitantly.

"Only if you want to."

"What do you think it was?"

"Perhaps because he had become a Marquess and thought he could catch a bigger fish?" Laura didn't sound like she really believed that. Edith was quite a big fish herself, she knew.

"No, no. It wasn't like that at all. It was because he didn't trust me. Or rather...because I didn't trust him."

"Trust him? What do you mean? Did you accuse him of cheating on you?"

...

Edith thought for a moment. Could she really trust Laura with this? But then again, lack of trust was what had got her into trouble with Bertie. Laura was her employee, but she was also her friend. She wanted to trust her, it was as simple as that.

"No, no, it wasn't like that either", Edith said. "It was about Marigold. You see, Marigold isn't really an orphan that we have taken care of. She is my own daughter, my daughter with Mr Gregson. I went to Geneva to give birth to her. Then I was going to let someone adopt her, but I just couldn't manage to give her up. And I _was_ going to tell Bertie, at least I think so, but before I managed to get it out, my sister told him instead. That was the secret I told you about, the one that Mary told him."

"Oh!" Laura was quiet for a long time.

"Well, good riddance", she said then.

"No!" Edith said. "Don't say that! He is a good man, I still love him. The sad thing is that he could accept that I have a daughter, but he couldn't accept that I had lied to him about her. I had lied to him for so long, he couldn't accept that I didn't trust him."

...

They were both silent for a long time.

"Actually, I have one also", Laura said then.

"One what?" Edith was a little confused.

"A child. A little boy."

"What!" Edith couldn't believe her ears.

"He is two years old now. He lives at my sister's. I didn't go to Switzerland, of course, nothing as fancy as that. I rented a room in Newcastle for the last five months before I had him. I pretended that I was a Mrs Brown, married to a naval officer who was on a long journey abroad. I kept writing my usual columns from there, I guess my landlady thought I was writing letters to my husband. My sister was wearing a pillow under her clothes here in London, my brother-in-law was in on it too. That is what sisters are for, I think, helping each other. Not like your sister."

Edith was stunned. She hadn't expected her editor to have a secret like that.

"I never would have believed it...You should have told me during your interview. I would have employed you immediately!"

"Well, you did that anyway, didn't you." Laura laughed again.

"True", Edit admitted. "I felt that we had a lot in common, just not that."

...

"I try to visit him ever so often", Laura said. "I take him out to the park and so on, even home to my own flat. But if we meet someone I know, I tell them he is my nephew. I pay for his board and so on, of course, but he is known as one of their own children."

Laura was quiet again.

"Oh, I wish we could be open about things like that!" she added with a sigh. "That some time in the future it will be no shame in being an unmarried mother. And still more important, the child of one."

"I totally agree", Edith sighed.

She hesitated for a moment. Then she asked.

"What happened to the father?"

"He was married! I told him I was pregnant and he told me he was married. He wanted me to have an abortion, he even offered to pay for it. I told him to stuff his money up his...well, you know what. You should have seen his face! He told me that he had never suspected me of being so vulgar. I told him to get lost."

Edith liked Laura's way of laughing about it all.

"That certainly was a good riddance", Laura added.

...

"I have an idea", Laura said a little later. "For the magazine. I think we should run a campaign about society's attitude towards unmarried mothers and their children. If you don't fight you won't win. Just look at the suffragettes!"

"Yes, let's try that", Edith agreed. "But we have to start out slowly for it to have any effect. Otherwise we will only lose readers. Let's start with the children. It's absurd that they are supposed to be ashamed of something they can't help at all."

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your comment to last chapter! Please leave a comment, it is what keeps me writing.

...

I think this is not entirely consistant with 6:8, but I have only stretched it a little.

...

It's rather confusing that Edith's editor is called Laura. Probably a tribute from JF to the remarkable actress who plays Lady Edith. A tribute I think she well deserves, she is my favourite actor among the many good actors in the show. She and Lesley Nicol who plays Mrs Patmore.

...

I predict that CS will be mostly about Mary's unhappy marriage, though I still think Edith and Bertie will marry.


	4. Peter

It was an unusually hot night. But perhaps all nights were unusually hot in Tangiers, Bertie thought.

He was tossing and turning in his bed at Hotel Fuentos. It was the night after his long journey, the night after what was probably the most unsettling day in Bertie's life.

...

Bertie could have slept in Peter's flat, of course. The flat that Peter had lived in together with his friend Philip, who was also an English aristocrat. But Bertie didn't want to intrude and besides he was sure he wouldn't be able to sleep in Peter's bed.

Not that he was able to sleep at the hotel either, it seemed. The ceiling fan didn't help much, the sound of it was more disturbing than the effect of it was cooling.

He had been so happy in the morning of that day, wishing for all the world to share his happiness with him. He had been so happy that he had almost managed to forget that Peter was dead. He felt quite a bit ashamed of that now.

...

What was it Lady Mary had said? Bertie tried to remember.

 _I admire you, Bertie. Not everyone would accept Edith's past._

Was that it?

Like if her sister was a stray dog that Bertie had picked up out of the gutter and taken with him home as an act of charity. A person with no worth at all. That Bertie had made a sacrifice courting her.

How could a woman talk like that about her own sister?

And he himself had swalloved the bait, asking Mary what she meant.

He shouldn't have done that, he realised now. Instead he should have said that it is the present that counts when you marry someone, the present and the future. And that he was the happiest man on earth because Mary's sister has aggreed to become his wife.

After all, he had alredy figured out that Edith must have had an affair with Mr Gregson. Why else would the man have let her inherit his flat and his magazine?

And that hadn't bothered Bertie at all. Edith was over thirty, he could hardly expect her to be a virgin. Not in the nineteen-twenties.

But hiding a child - it had been a little too much for him in the instable frame of mind he was in because of Peter's death. And the fact that Edith had said that she wasn't certain that she would ever have told him had made it even worse.

He had felt they were so close. Closer than he had ever been with anyone before.

But obviously they weren't.

...

What he had said to Edith about thinking about her all the time they were apart was still true, though. All the things they had done together kept running through his mind.

Mostly it was only the touch of her. Her head on his shoulder when they had snuggled up on a sofa, her lips against his own when they kissed. Her hand in his when she gently led him to the stairs after her mother's remark about Peter had filled his eyes with tears.

Her mother was wonderful - it was so kind of her to say that. Her father had been very friendly too, inviting Bertie to his sickroom with the others and not minding that Bertie courted his daugter even if he was only a simple land agent. And Tom - he had felt like a real friend, a brother, suggesting that they played with the puppet theatre together to amuse the children.

Bertie had tried to like all of Edith's relatives, even her sister. He had wanted to form his own opinion, whatever Edith had said about her.

...

Bertie was still tossing and turning in his bed.

He didn't know if he had slept at all, although he had been lying there for so many hours. Every time he was about to fall asleep, he saw Edith's sad eyes in front of him. The way she had looked when she wished him good luck. Then he saw the happiness and enthusiasm in her eyes when he had told her that he wanted to marry her. Then it was her sad face again, as she said that her life had been about to be absolutely wonderful with him. Then he saw what she had looked like the night they edited the magazine together, her concentration and determination...

At first he tried to stop those memories coming, but then he just let them roll by, in wave after wave.

Why was he torturing himself with all this? But he knew why - because he was totally unable to stop thinking about her.

And somehow, at last, he managed to fall asleep.

...

At noon the next day Bertie went to Peter's flat to see Philip, Peter's friend, and settle things. Philip had decided to stay in the flat, so Bertie didn't have all that much to arrange. They were sitting in the parlour drinking coffee discussing what depth's Peter had that Bertie needed to pay and what things he should bring with him home to Brancaster.

"I miss him so!" Bertie suddenly burst out, tears in his eyes. "I'm sure you miss him too."

"Peter was the love of my life", Philip said with a deep sigh.

It took some moments for Bertie to make that sink in.

"Oh", he said then.

...

"I thought you already knew that", Philip said. "You know it is a criminal offence, for two men to love each other. I will deny it if you tell anyone. But Peter was very fond of you, he regarded you as his little brother, so I'm sure it was safe to tell you."

"No, I didn't know", Bertie said. "But I won't tell anybody. Your secret is safe with me."

"Actually, I thought you were the same. You must be around thirty-five, and have never been married. A little unexpected considering the shortage of men in England after the war. That was one of the reasons Peter didn't want to go home very often. They were pushing him to marry, but he didn't want to make a woman miserable."

"Yes, yes I know. He was supposed to marry a younger cousin, a girl called Adela Graham."

"Yes. Actually he had told Adela that he would never marry her, but she refused to accept that. Peter was a decent man, much better than me. I wouldn't have minded marrying a girl, as long as she was an heiress. But I never managed to find one, though I chased after a few, so now my estate is gone. I'm still a Duke, though."

They were both quiet for a while.

"How come _you_ aren't married then?" Philip asked Bertie.

"Well, I was very close to. I was going to marry one of Lord Grantham's daughters, but in the end it didn't work out."

"Ah, lord Grantham", Philip said with a short laugh. "She's called Mary isn't she?"

"No, not Mary, her sister, Edith."

"Ah, I see. I don't remember her", Philip said. "But then again I only went there once."

Then they started packing the things Bertie was going to bring to England. After that Bertie said good-bye and left the Duke of Crowborough to tend to his own sad and happy memories.

...

In less than two days Bertie had now found out that two of the closest people he had in his life hadn't really trusted him. Edith had had her secret and Peter had had his.

It was very unsettling.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your kind comments to last chapter!

...

I have to keep writing to be able to finish this before Christmas.


	5. James

"I'm bringing Marigold down to London for the weekend", Edith told Laura when they had just finished editing the next issue of the Sketch. All during day-time, of course, not the kind of rush they had been in that night when Bertie had helped her.

Laura was good at her job, she was able to plan ahead. And she liked to hear Edith's opinion on things. She was the perfect editor for Edith's magazine, Edith was so lucky to have found her. And she had proved even more perfect than Edith had expected. It was nice to have someone outside the family to confide in. Someone who knew about Marigold and still didn't judge her.

"That sounds nice! I'm going to spend time with my little James this weekend, before I start on the next issue", Laura said.

"Thing is, I would like Marigold to meet James", Edith said. "She never meets any other children than her cousins. So I would like to invite the two of you to come to Regent's park with us. To look at the animals in the Zoo."

"That would be lovely!" Laura said. "I will enjoy meeting Marigold. And I will enjoy seeing a little more of you too, outside work."

"It settled then! Will Sunday be a good time for you?"

"As good as any."

"If you come to my flat around twelve, I will have lunch ready for the four of us. And then we can start out after that."

...

"Now, what are we to look at first?" Edith asked. "The monkey hill? The aquarium? Or the new little African elephant?"

"The elephant was small in May. I'm sure it is rather big already by now." Laura said.

"Yes, perhaps", Edith smiled. "And it wasn't even a baby elephant then, just a small one. Not that elephants are ever very small, not even as babies."

"Elephants are BIG", James said with a laugh. "BIG!"

"Elephants are big", Marigold echoed. "Big, big, big!" She was getting along very well with the little boy, who was almost the same age as her.

...

"Could you think of these little darlings as bastards?" Laura asked Edith in a low voice a little later when they were standing outside the elephant enclosure. The children looked in awe at the new little elephant, who was even bigger than they had imagined.

"Of course not!" Edith said.

"James father was a bastard, cheating on his wife, leading me on. But James is just a darling little boy."

"Marigold is not a bastard", Edith said. "I don't think her father was one either. Then again, he did cheat on his wife, didn't he. But I can't pretend I'm any better, I knew he was married."

"If I only had bothered to check it up I would probably have found out that James' father was married too. But I was so much in love that I preferred not to know."

"Marigold's father did a very strange thing, though", Edith said. "A real mystery. He disappeared the same day he got to Munich, and later he was reported to have died in The Beer Hall Putsch. The only trouble is that that happened more than a year later. What was he doing in the time between? It also seems that he was afraid he wouldn't come back, since he wrote that new will."

"That is strange. Don't you want to find out what happened?"

"I'm not sure I do, actually", Edith said. "I'm afraid of what I might find. Michael is Marigold's father, after all, and I want to keep believing that he really did love me."

...

They parted outside the Zoo in the afternoon after a day filled with sea lions and monkeys and lions and tigers and ice cream. Each mother was carrying an exhausted but happy child in her arms.

"I will write that article we talked about", Edith said. "A first article about children of unmarried mothers. I'll start tomorrow, when I've got Marigold home to Downton. You will have it for next week's issue."

...

The next evening, after tucking Marigold into bed with her cousins at Downton, Edith sat down to write in the bedroom she had lived in since she was big enough to move out of the nursery.

She had had many dreams in this room, dreams about men who would see her and sweep her off her feet. But all that was gone now, men were a finished chapter in her life. If it hadn't worked out with Bertie there was no hope that it would ever work out with anybody else.

She really did miss Bertie, she had to admit, but the sooner she accepted that it was over, the better it was for herself, however much she still loved him.

And she would never trade Marigold for any man on earth, not even for someone as broadminded and kind and handsome and wonderful as Bertie.

...

Writing the article about children of unmarried mothers was easy, Edith thought. She felt so strongly about it.

 _When you see a couple of unknown toddlers playing in the park, what is your first thought? Bastards_? she started.

 _Of course not! They are just sweet little children!_ she continued.

 _But if someone tells you they are actually the children of unmarried mothers, what would you think then? Bastards?_

 _I hope you don't. Be careful with words! These children have never done anything to deserv to be called an ugly name like that. They have never done anything bad at all, at least nothing worse than what any child born by married parents has done._

Edith just kept writing, the words came flowing from her pen. It didn't take her more than half an hour to finish the article, she was basically just writing down things Laura and herself had talked about earlier on.

Perhaps this would lose her some readers, she realised. But if it only made some people think about the absurdity of it all, it would be well worth it. Anything that would make Marigold's and James' lives a little easier was good.

...

Just before she fell asleep that night something suddenly dawned upon her. She hadn't feared for a moment that Bertie would betray her secret. It had never crossed her mind that he would do that, and now that she thought about it she was still certain he wouldn't do it. He wasn't like that at all.

So perhaps he had been wrong after all. She really did trust him.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for the many nice comments to last chapter!

A special thank you to KatieRose30, for pointing out the fact that the Duke had met Mary and Edith before he visited Downton. I have changed the wording of last chapter slightly, to allow for that.

...

There is a great inconsistency in the Gregson timeline in the series, just like Edith says here. JF hasn't explained it - at least not yet - but I have, in my story The Beerhall Putsch. Some people have suggested that it was just sloppy writing by JF, but I prefer to have a real explanation to what happens on screen.

...

Every animal mentioned was really in the London Zoo at the time. The small African elephant was a new arrival that spring - not born at the Zoo.


	6. Adela

The time between his return from Tangiers and the memorial service for Peter went by slowly for Bertie. He was seeing his future in a glum light now. There was going to be no pleasure, only responsibilities.

He remembered Edith asking if she could come to the ceremony and how he had told her that he wanted her to come. Now he still wanted her to be there, but of course he couldn't invite her after what had happened.

Instead he stood there alone with his mother, accepting the condolences.

Adela Graham was there too, of course, the woman Peter had been supposed to marry. Peter's friend Philip had told Bertie that Peter had never had any intention to do that, and also that he had told Adela so, but she had refused to listen.

It was easy to see that she wasn't very sorry that Peter was dead.

Bertie realised that among all the people present at the memorial service, he was probably the only one who had truly loved Peter. He knew his mother's attitude towards Peter and none of the others seemed overly sad about his death either.

Bertie was glad that he had left Peter in Tangiers with Philip. He was sure that was what Peter would have wanted.

...

On the reception after the ceremony Adela was standing close to Bertie talking.

It took Bertie some time in his grief to realise that there was anything strange about that.

It was strange because Adela had never paid Bertie any attention whatsoever before. She had barely said hello to him when they happened to meet. But now she seemed to be talking to him and him only, moving closer and closer, even touching his arm.

At first Bertie thought he must be mistaken. But it was becoming more and more obvious that Adela was flirting with him.

And once he had realised that, it was easy to understand what had brought on the transformation.

Adela hadn't really wanted to marry cousin Peter. Nor did she want to marry Bertie Pelham.

The only one she wanted to marry was the Marquess of Hexham.

...

Alone in his bed that night he thought about a very different kind of woman. An Earl's daughter with a magazine of her own who had thought a poor land agent had a lot to offer. Who had been thrilled and delighted when he proposed to her.

If only she had trusted him...

In the future he would never know if a woman wanted _him_ or only his title and his castle, he realised.

That was the first time he actually thought of trying to win Edith back.

...

There was an element of foolish pride in his reaction when he was told about Marigod, Bertie admitted. It had hurt his pride to be told a thing like that in front of other people.

Everybody in her family seemed to know it. She had told all of them. She had even entrusted her sister with the knowledge, even though they didn't get along. Tom Branson had known it also, and tried to stop Mary from saying anything. So Tom had also wanted Bertie to be kept in the dark.

Bertie felt hurt that Edith had told her relatives, but not him. She ought to understand that he would never disclose her secret, even if he had been shocked enough by it to end their relationship. Which he was sure he wouldn't have been.

...

Every time he and Edith had spent together had ben running through Bertie's head for two whole weeks now. Almost every waken moment was full of the memories of her. The touch of her, the way she had looked. The words she had said.

But they had just been words, words and how sweet she had looked. How much he had loved her and how desperate he had been for her to accept him.

How much he still loved her.

But that night, just as he was going to fall asleep in his bed, he finally understood what she had been saying out there on the landing.

"Won't you send me to bed happy?" he had asked her.

He had been pushing her, hadn't he, not being able to wait for the answer she was going to give him. Was it because he was a Marquess now? Had he thought that the reason she had hesitated before was his lowly circumstances?

How could he have thought that she was so shallow?

"Sounds like an indecent proposal", she had said, and they had both laughed. That was one of the many things he loved her for, she said the most unexpected things. Living with her would never have been dull.

"I meant, give me your answer. Let me go to Tangiers with a sense my tomorrows are beginning. Please." He definitely had been pushing her. Why couldn't he just have waited? Was it because he had told Talbot that things would be settled before he left?

"I love you, Bertie. I've been in love before. I won't pretend that I haven't. But I really do love you." That had really thrilled him to hear.

If he could only have been content with that. Kissed her and gone to bed. Met her again when he was back from Tangiers. Have her at his side at the memorial service.

But no - instead he had just pushed on.

"Then I'll take that as a yes", he had said.

If it had really been a yes she would of course have acknowledged it then. But she didn't. And he hadn't understood that.

Instead she started on a long explanation that he had interpreted - well, he didn't know exactly as what. Her usual way of saying things he didn't expect, perhaps?

"The trouble is, I'm not as simple as I used to be. My life is not as simple. I just need to be sure I'm being realistic, not living in a fool's paradise and dragging you into it with me."

That was it. If he hadn't been so full of himself he would have realised that there was something she wanted to tell him, but instead of waiting for her to find the right words he had just gone ahead.

"I'll still take it as a yes."

After that he had kissed her, and before she had a new chance to say anything he had wished her good-night, entered the bedroom and shut the door behind his back.

They hadn't been alone after that. Not between that and breakfast. **  
**

He realised he had run over her, out there on the landing. She had started on an explanation, and instead of listening to her and give her the time to pick up the courage to tell him, he had just said he took it as a yes and then he had silenced her with a kiss.

He really _had_ jumped the gun, hadn't he. Taking it as a yes, when she really wanted to tell him about Marigold.

He had always considered himself a rather shy and unassuming man, but he had obviously been wrong.

...

Once again he couldn't sleep.

While he lay there tossing and turning he remembered something else, something that had puzzled him when he had first proposed to her.

"Of course, I don't have much to offer", he had said then, surprised that he had even dared to pop the question.

 _"_ You have a great deal to offer but I'm not sure I'm worthy of it."

That was what she had said, and he had found it a bit strange, but he knew she could say some strange things.

But now he knew what it was all about. It hadn't been strange at all. He knew now why she had been so eager to ask him if she could bring Marigold. He also knew why she hadn't been able to give him an answer that time.

It had all been because she had needed to tell him about Marigold before she said yes. Because she _didn't_ want to trick him.

And trick him was exactly what he had accused her of doing.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for all the lovely comments! They are always interesting to read. Please keep commenting!

...

Alastair Bruce has said that there will be a big twist in the Christmas special, so I guess there is no hope for Bertie/Edith after all.

On a happier note - I will save some money in that case, not having to buy the complete box-set.


	7. Mary

It was the day after Mary's wedding and Edith was still at Downton. It was peaceful and comfortable to be at Downton without risking bumping into Mary.

Edith was glad she had come to the wedding, though, and glad that she had told Mary what she had felt. That their shared memories were more important than their dislike for each other.

How unnecessary all their squabbling and wrangling over the years had been! What good had it done either one of them?

No good at all. It had only made them bitter.

Edith was still a bit angry with Mary for hurting Bertie. But she knew that in a way she was unfair. Because Mary had only wanted to hurt Edith, Bertie had just happened to be caught in the middle of it. Just like Sir Anthony had been on that garden party so many years ago, on the day when the war broke out.

Neither Bertie nor Anthony had done anything to deserve to be hurt by Mary. But Mary just didn't care about that as long as she was able to hurt Edith.

And Mary wouldn't have had the power to hurt Bertie if it wasn't for Edith's own treatment of him. Because Bertie wasn't hurt because Mary had disclosed Edith's secret.

Bertie was hurt because Edith hadn't told it to him.

...

Mary could get any man she wanted, or at least almost. But she had no friends.

During their teens Mary did get a female friend from time to time, but it never lasted for very long. Because Mary was never able to keep her hands off anybody else's beau. She wanted all men - no, she didn't want them all, she only wanted to show everybody that she could have them all. That all the men preferred Mary to any other girl.

That is not the way to make friends with women.

Mary always wanted everything to be done her own way. Mary's best friend now was her maid - who was paid to be friendly and never contradict Mary. It was rather pathetic.

Edith actually felt a bit sorry for Mary.

...

Edith had decided to stay a bit extra at Downton now that Mary was away. Laura was managing the magazine so well, Edith didn't really need to be there very often. But she had still decided to move down to London once Mary and her new husband were back at Downton.

Edith would come to see Marigold every week and move the little girl to live with her in London when she was old enough to start school. Edith was certain that it would be better for Marigold to go to school and meet other children than to have a governess.

Right now Edith had to make the most of the weeks Mary and her new husband were away. She wanted to spend much of that time with Marigold, but also with her parents and Tom and Sybbie and George.

It was so nice to be with all of her family like this without constantly risking a snide remark from Mary. And without uttering any herself.

Edith really enjoyed being there. Everyone was friendly and happy, although George missed his mother a bit of course.

...

Edith felt that being with Bertie those months had made her a better person. Because Bertie always tried to see the best in everybody.

Edith knew it was over now but it was still partly the thought of Bertie that had made her return to Mary's wedding. Because Bertie would have wanted her to do just that. Bertie would have wanted Edith and her sister to be friends. So Edith did what she thought he would want.

She didn't do it because she thought there was any chance of him coming back. She did it because she knew it was the right thing to do.

There are so many bad things in this world, so many bad things that just happen. So why add to them? From now on Edith wouldn't answer back to Mary's bitchiness. She would just try to get out of her way.

...

And Bertie - Edith had never actually thought she was worthy of the love of this genuinely good man. She had been sure it wouldn't last, right from the start.

This made it easier for her to get over him - she had never really believed it would last. She would just keep all her happy memories of him as a comfort through life.

A man who had said he was mad about her - that he thought about her all the time they were apart. It was all so strange and so wonderful.

There had been no harsh words when they had parted, and Edith was happy about that now. He had looked so vulnerable when he told her he just couldn't trust her after what had happened. And she hadn't done anything to stop him from leaving her, only wished him good luck, which she was also glad that she had done.

Good luck with somebody else - it hurt to think about that. But she really wanted him to have a happy life, with a wife and children.

There was nothing else for her to do than to try to be glad when she would hear about his engagement sometime in the future. But it wouldn't be easy.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! And thank you so much for the many friendly reviews to last chapter!

...

Off course I don't know what the twist in the CS is. I'm just being pessimistic.

But actually, I'm feeling very much more optimistic after Hugh B said that Edith is called poor Edith for a reason.

...

I do hope Mary won't die as someone in a review suggested. She is all the parent little George has left.


	8. Lord Grantham

While Edith was getting more and more resigned to having lost Bertie, Bertie was growing less and less resigned to losing Edith.

He wanted her back, he was certain of that now. And he was feeling more and more ashamed about leaving her in the first place.

A week after the memorial service for Peter Bertie was fully resolved to at least try to win her back. But he didn't know how to go about to do it.

He didn't really dare to call Edith on the telephone - trying to get a woman back was not really a thing that was possible to do by phone. He wanted to see her face, to know her reactions to what he said to her. And he didn't really know what to say either.

A letter - well, he wouldn't be able to see Edith's reaction if he wrote her a letter either. And he would probably get mad waiting for the answer. An answer that would perhaps never come.

He couldn't very well go to Downton Abbey and try to find her there either, not after his behaviour last time he was there. His behaviour towards Lord Grantham.

So he had to meet her in London.

He had been to her apartment and also to the magazine, but he had no way of knowing when she was there. He knew she spent a lot of time at Downton Abbey, because of Marigold.

Because of her daughter Marigold.

...

Bertie had insisted to go by taxi after leaving the others and absolutely refused to be driven by Downton's driver. He had made a big fuss about it.

He had asked one of the servants to order a taxi for him, but when he waited outside the building Lord Grantham had come out and asked him what was the matter, and why Edith or Downton's driver couldn't drive him. Bertie had refused to answer that, only insisting to have a taxi ordered.

He couldn't really ask Edith's father to tell her it was over, but at least he ought to have been a bit more civil to the kind man.

Bertie had treated Lord Grantham very rudely, he realised. He had actually behaved like a spoilt four-year-old. His only excuse was that he had been so sad and upset.

He felt quite ashamed of himself, thinking back on it now. It wasn't only Edith who had the right to get an apology from him. But still, he had to begin with Edith.

Luckily Edith and Tom had come out from the breakfast room then, so Bertie had asked Edith for a word in private, and they had sauntered out onto the lawn.

...

They hadn't split up in a storm of insults and incriminations, and he was happy about that now. He had just told her calmly that he didn't want to marry her any longer and she had just accepted that.

Bertie realised now that there had been something strange with Edith when he broke up with her. It was like she felt she didn't deserve anything good. She just stood there listening, without even trying to defend herself. Answering his questions without making any excuses. Just telling him that she was sorry about it all.

She had been very different then from that strong, competent woman who had managed to get the magazine ready in time that night. The woman he had fallen in love with during the long night.

Although he had felt at the time that he had nothing to offer her.

...

Bertie wanted to go down to London as soon as possible, to try to find Edith. But it took a while before he managed to find the time to go there. There were so many things that he had to do at Brancaster now, when it was all new to him.

Just like he had told her, he was thinking about her constantly. He was longing to see her, he was scared that she couldn't forgive him. But most of all he was fearful that she might have found someone new.

...

Now that Bertie knew it all and had had time to think it over, he felt proud of what Edith had done.

A normal society-girl, who had happened to get with child with a man she couldn't marry, wouldn't keep her child like Edith had done. She would go away to another country, give birth to the child and have someone else adopt it.

And her future husband would never hear a word about it. That would really have been a lie and a secret in the marriage.

But Edith hadn't done that. She was so much braver than that.

She was a good mother. Bertie liked that. Or rather loved that.

She had kept her child, and the first thing she asked him after he proposed was if she could take the child with her. Perhaps he had sounded a little too unwilling there, perhaps that was what had kept her from telling him who the girl really was at the time. Instead she had said that she had to think it over.

...

As soon as he could get away from Brancaster, Bertie went to London.

In the afternoon he went to Edith's apartment and rang the bell, but nobody answered.

If he hadn't met all Edith's employees at the magazine, he would have asked for her there. But now he didn't dare to. He didn't want anyone to tell her that he had been there. Instead he went into the café at the opposite side of the street from Edith's apartment. He was sitting there for many hours, drinking coffee, pretending to read his paper, looking across the street, waiting for Edith to come home.

But she never did. He sat there till late in the evening, feeling more and more uncomfortable. But there was no light in the apartment.

Next evening he tried again with the same result. And then again on the day after that. He felt a little stupid sitting there at the café, like a private investigator in a bad book. But he didn't know what else he could do.

Edith's place seemed deserted.

The next morning Bertie had to be on the train away from London again. He was feeling more sad and lonely than ever.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for the friendly comments to last chapter!

...

I must get this finished before Christmas!


	9. Mama

Edith knew exactly when she ought to have told Bertie about Marigold. It was on the night he proposed to her, he couldn't have expected her to tell it before then. After all, it wasn't the kind of secret you can tell someone you have just met.

But she ought to have done it then, right after she had asked him if she could bring Marigold.

"Downton's ward?" he had asked, and that was exactly the right time to tell him. Of course. Instead of lying again.

"Yes", she should have said. "Yes, but no. I have a thing that I must tell you, a thing that perhaps will make you take back your proposal. A secret... Marigold isn't really Downton's ward. She is my daughter. My daughter with Michael Gregson."

She wasn't sure of how Bertie would have reacted to that. He would probably have been shocked, he would probably need some time to let it sink in, but most likely he wouldn't have left her.

And even if he had, Edith would have felt better about it than she did now. Because in that case she had done the right thing. If Bertie had felt hurt that Marigold was Edith's daughter there was nothing to be done about it. Edith was proud of Marigold, she couldn't marry a man who thought it was wrong of Edith to have her.

But now Bertie was hurt because Edith hadn't trusted him. So it was Edith's own fault and she felt very guilty about hurting him.

Well - no use to think about that now. Things were the way they were.

She had lost Bertie, and she was sad about it because she still loved him, but she had other things in her life to be happy about.

...

Cora came to see Edith before dinner one day.

"I just read your article in the new issue of The Sketch", she said. "The one about being careful with words."

"Ah!" Edith said. "Yes, of course, I know you read The Sketch. So what do you think about it, Mama?"

"I agree with it, of course. It's a real shame that children should be called bad names for things they have no part in."

"That is what we are trying to get people to understand."

"Good!"

Cora was quite for a moment.

"You realise that you are taking a risk, writing an article like that?" she said then.

"Perhaps, but I want to open people's eyes. I think this is important."

"Of course it is", Cora said. "I want you to know that I support you in this. Just like I think you did the right thing by keeping your daughter."

"I'm glad. But it is really two very different things. Those articles, I can write them or not, that is something I can decide myself. But Marigold - I just had to do it. I just had to bring her back from Switzerland, there was a reason I refused to sign any adoption papers, and I just had to take her from the Drewes when Mrs Drewe refused to let me see her."

"I can understand that", Cora said. "I think any mother can. And any grandmother, I'm so glad to have Marigold here. And it is good that you write things that may make things easier for her."

...

Mother and daughter were sitting there in silence for a while, then Edith added: "I don't have much to lose any longer. I have already lost Bertie."

"You miss him, don't you? He is a very nice man."

"Yes, but I have accepted that it is over. I only wish his cousin hadn't died. It would have been easier for us to live there together with Marigold then, when he didn't have everybody's eyes on him as a Marquess."

"Don't you want him back?"

"I had a child out of wedlock, with a married man. How could I burden him with me? He is so worried about being a Marquess and doing the right things as it is. He doesn't need a scandal added to that. Besides, it is easier to keep Marigold a secret here at Downton - but everyone seems to know anyhow. Even Mary knew."

"Gregson was married?" Cora looked shocked. "Did he have children?"

"Oh! I forgot you didn't know. No, no children. His wife was in an asylum since many years and he couldn't get a divorce. He thought, maybe, he could get one in Germany. That's why he went there. Well, at least that was what he said."

"Oh!" Cora said. "I didn't know he was married. But I guess it doesn't make any difference now."

...

Edith had given up on Bertie, but she couldn't stop daydreaming about him.

There was always a broad smile on Edith's face when she thought about Bertie. Thinking back at this period of her life later on, she was surprised about how happy she had been. There was a special happiness in a peaceful life, and that was what she had now.

It was much easier to come to terms with remaining a spinster when she wouldn't have to live on charity from Mary when their parents were gone. Times had changed, her own circumstances had changed, and she was happy about that. It was also easier to accept because she had Marigold.

But she kept thinking about Bertie. He was so sweet. So naive. In some ways he was just like a little boy whose favourite toy had been damaged. That was the way he had looked when he broke up with her.

He wasn't like any of the two men she had been with before. Perhaps it was a question of age, Anthony had been more than twenty years older than her and Michael almost twenty.

Bertie was very close to the same age as her.

But Edith didn't think it was that, or at least not only that. Perhaps it was what comes with age - experience. Anthony was very sweet also, but he wasn't like a boy, at least not after the war. He was more like someone who had seen it all and given up on life, and she had definitely felt an urge to save him from himself. Which - in the end - he hadn't wanted at all, it seemed.

Michael was very much grown up. He had known what he wanted, and made sure of getting it. But the mystery of his disappearance in Germany sometimes made Edith think she didn't know him at all.

...

A week later it was time for Edith to return to London again. She took a long farewell of her little girl - Edith planned to be away from Downton for four long days this time.

That was the way she intended to continue, three days in Downton, four in London, occasionally staying a bit longer at Downton, when there was a dinner party or something like that, sometimes bringing her little girl with her to London for a few days.

That was what she intended to do for the next few years. She knew Marigold would be better off at Downton where she could run around with her cousins than alone with a nanny or a sitter in London while Edith was working.

When Marigold was five and it was time for her to start school Edith would have to make other arrangements.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for all your kind comments!

...

This is AU after 6:8. I'm not using any of the spoilers for the CS. This is my own way of telling what happened next.

...

Three more chapters to go - I think.


	10. Mother

On his way back to Brancaster from London Bertie Pelham wondered what he would do next. Perhaps it would be wiser to write Edith a letter after all? But no, he just couldn't do that. Waiting for the answer would literally drive him mad. And he wouldn't even be sure that she had got it - a letter could get lost as well as just unanswered. Or thrown into the fire-place.

So he decided to try to find her again in London, as soon as he was able to find the time to go there again.

...

"How was your trip to London? Did you get everything done", Bertie's mother asked him at the breakfast table at Brancaster the next morning.

They had agreed that his mother would move to one of the houses in the village, she was having it renovated now to suit her. But until Bertie was married she was to stay at Brancaster and act as his hostess.

Right now Bertie wondered if he would ever get married. And he found his mother's question a little difficult to answer.

"Yes, yes, I got all the estate business done", he said, hoping his mother would leave it at that.

But she didn't.

"The estate business, yes. But was that really the reason for you to go there?"

Bertie sometimes hated his mother's ability to see right through him. Instead of giving her an answer he pretended to be deep into an article in his morning paper.

That didn't stop her, of course.

"What happened to that Crawley girl you used to be so fond of?" she asked.

Bertie regretted that he had talked so much about Edith to his mother during their courtship, telling mother about helping Edith with the magazine and taking part in the open house at Downton Abbey.

But of course, he had thought he was going to marry Edith at the time. He hadn't only been thinking about Edith all the time they were apart, he had been talking about her a lot also.

"It didn't work out", he said, well knowing that his mother wouldn't give up until he gave her an answer. "I told her I couldn't marry her and now I'm regretting that."

To Bertie's surprise his mother didn't say any more about it. She just took a new sip on her coffee.

...

Later in the day, when Bertie was working in the library, his mother came in.

"I got the new Sketch today. There is a column in it which I think you ought to see. Written by Lady Edith Crawley. I'm sure it will lead to some debate, it's quite controversial."

The headline she pointed to read _Be careful with words!_ That didn't sound very controversial.

But Bertie longed to hear something from Edith, so he started to read at once when his mother handed the magazine over to him.

...

As he read Bertie thought that it was just as if Edith was talking directly to him. Every word was written with passion, every word went right down into his soul.

Bertie agreed to all that she had written. And he had never thought of little Marigold as a bastard, still less said it.

That hadn't been the problem. But if what Edith wrote was considered controversial, then it was easy to see that her secret hadn't been an easy one to tell.

...

His mother waited till he had read the article through.

"Does she have one herself?" she asked then, blunt as ever. "A child out of wedlock? Is that why you broke up with her?"

Once again Bertie didn't know what to answer. He didn't want to give Edith's secret away, but he was sure his mother would try to get it out of him anyway. Suddenly it made him angry.

"Actually, I've no intention of discussing this with you."

Bertie looked at his mother in a way she had never seen her docile son do before. She could see that he was angry.

"Fair enough", she said. "I guess it is not your secret to tell."

"I'm fully determined to have her back", Bertie said then. "No matter what or how long it will take. If she will only let me."

"I'm glad", his mother said, much to Bertie's surprise. "And there is a thing I ought to tell you. A thing I should have told you long ago."

...

"So, what is it you want to tell me, then", Bertie asked a little while later, when his mother didn't go on.

"You could so easily have been one yourself."

Bertie didn't understand what she was talking about.

"One what?"

"One of the children called ugly names. A child born out of wedlock."

"Oh!"

"Well, I was so much in love... I got carried away... If it hadn't been for your father's goodness..."

"What! I'm his child, am I not?"

"Yes, of course you are. But the general belief was that the woman only had herself to blame if she did something like that before she was married. That was even worse in those days. Your father could very easily have refused to marry me, no one would really have blamed him. God knows what would have happened to the two of us then."

"Oh!" Bertie said again. "I see!"

"That's why I felt that your Edith was talking directly to me in that article. I hope you will manage to patch things up. I'm so looking forward to meeting her! And her child, if there is one. You don't have to tell me if it is a secret."

 _Your Edith!_ Bertie liked the sound of that.

"I'll go to London again next week", he said. "I hope I will manage to get things right again."

...

Bertie couldn't help smiling when thinking about their conversation in bed that evening. His strict and controlled mother getting carried away like that! He never would have thought it.

Well, he could only be happy about it. Because if it hadn't happened he would never have been born.

But he was also happy because it would make his mother kind to Edith and Marigold. If he only managed to get Edith back...

...

Five days later Bertie was on his way back to London again. He was happy to know that he had his mother's wholehearted support in this - he never would have expected it.

He didn't know what else to do, so he went back to Edith's apartment and rang the bell. Nobody answered this time either, so he sat down with a coffee and his newspaper in the café again. But this time he was more lucky. Just a couple of hours later he saw Edith walking down the pavement at the other side of the street and opening the door with her key.

His heart started pounding as he got up from his chair and out of the café. Never in his life had he been so nervous about anything. His hand was shaking as he rang the bell.

...

"Yes?" Edith said with a smile, opening the door with her coat still on. She looked up at Bertie and when she realised that it was him her smile faded away. She looked like she had seen a ghost.

"Edith, please, can I come in?" Bertie was ready to turn away and leave if she said no, but instead she moved backwards a few steps to make room for him and perhaps also to avoid getting too close to him.

"Yes, of course", she said, still with panic in her eyes.

He took a step forward and closed the door behind him. He had had plenty of time to think over what he would say to her when he met her again, but now his brain was a complete void.

"Edith!" was all he managed to say.

She seemed to be so afraid of him - she looked so scared. He didn't want this. It tore his heart apart to have her looking at him like that. He felt the tears coming into his eyes.

"Edith!" he stuttered once more. "Forgive me!"

After that he was lost for words. He wondered later why he hadn't thought of the obvious "I love you!", but he hadn't.

But he did see just a little glimpse of relief in her eyes. So instead of saying anything more he took one step forward and put his lips against hers, desperately hoping that it wouldn't offend her.

* * *

AN: Thank you for reading! And thank you very much for the nice comments to last chapter! Please leave a comment!

...

I'm sure Bertie's mother won't be like this in the CS, but this is the way I want her to be.


	11. Marigold

Edith returned home after an interesting day at the office. She and Laura worked remarkably well together.

The last few days they had spent making plans for the next issue of the Sketch.

They had also been going through all the letters that had arrived after Edith's article. The magazine had never got so many letters after an article before.

Some of the letters were rather abusive, but that was only a few. Most of them were supportive, written by people who thought it was upon time that someone stood up for these children.

There were quite a few letters from grown ups who were born out of wedlock, describing how that had affected their childhood and life. And from women who had had to hide their children by giving them away or pretending they were the children of relatives.

The article had lost them a few subscribers, but they had gained many more. So they had decided to continue their campaign.

...

Edith was feeling happy and successful when she returned to her home that afternoon. Tomorrow morning she was going back to Downton and Marigold again. She couldn't wait to see her little girl again.

Edith had barely closed the door behind her before she heard someone ring the bell.

"Yes?" she said with a smile, opening the door with her coat still on. She looked up at Bertie and when she realised that it was him her smile faded away. She felt like she had seen a ghost. What was he doing here? He had told her it was over, why couldn't he leave her alone? Why couldn't he let her live her life in peace?

"Edith, please, can I come in?" Bertie said.

"Yes, of course", Edith said, though she really didn't want him to. She wondered what this was all about. Had he come to reproach her again?

Edith saw Bertie take a step forward and close the door behind him. He was looking just as nervous as she felt herself she realised.

She also realised that she didn't really want a peaceful life. She wanted Bertie. If it was at all possible.

"Edith!" he said then. "Edith! Forgive me!"

Edith didn't know what to say. Why did he want her to forgive him? She just looked at him.

Then he kissed her.

...

When Edith felt Bertie's lips against her own she suddenly knew that everything was going to be alright. She put her arms around him cuddling close to him while they kissed.

Bertie looked at her and smiled when their kiss ended. Edith was happy. He was back! She didn't know why, but he really was back!

They just stood there smiling and looking at each other for a long long time.

"Why do you want me to forgive you?" she asked then. "I thought it was _I_ that needed to be forgiven. And wasn't."

"That's just it. Forgive me for making you feel that way", he said softly. "I had no right to. I have thought it all through now, and I know I did jump the gun. You never did say yes to my proposal. And I also know that you wanted to tell me about Marigold. You tried to."

"How can you know that?" Edith didn't believe her ears. "I don't even know that myself."

He looked at her in silence for a while. Then he cocked his head and smiled.

"Are you trying to get rid of me? Don't you want me back?"

"I do want to be with you, Bertie", Edith said. "I love you. You are the sweetest man I have ever met. I don't want to drive you away, not at all. I'm just trying to be honest."

"Ssh", Bertie said. "I _know_ you had something that you wanted to tell me that evening. I just cut you short. And there is another thing. Last time I saw you, well, you said something I have been thinking about ever since."

"Oh!" Edith said. She had no idea where this was going to end, but she didn't want to interrupt him.

"My life was about to be perfectly wonderful. Now I've thrown it all away", Bertie quoted looking earnestly into Edith's eyes.

"Yes", Edith said. "That was how I felt. Still is."

She didn't dare to look at him now.

"The reason I have been thinking about it is that... well, it is true. My life was going to be fantastic with you, and I threw it all away that time in Downton's park."

Edith looked up at him, barely able to understand what he was saying.

"The last few weeks have been horrible", he added. "I have missed you so terribly. So, please, Edith. Forgive me! Marry me!"

Edith smiled again. She wanted to say yes immediately, but then she hesitated.

"There is just one thing I have to ask you first. Now that you know that Marigold is my own daughter - will that change anything for you? Can I still bring her?"

"Of course you can. Actually, I would insist on it. You are her mother, she belongs with you. I wouldn't dream of separating a child from her mother. Or a mother from her child."

Then Edith's face split up in the happiest and most glorious smile Bertie had ever seen.

"Yes, I will marry you! I want to! I love you. But first I want to tell you the whole story about Marigold. No more secrets."

"There are a few things I want to tell you also. Let's sit down somewhere and talk. But first I want to kiss you again. And give you the ring."

...

Ten minutes later, after they had kissed each other again and Edith had said oh and ah about the lovely ring with the large diamond that Bertie had brought her, they were sitting together on the sofa. Edith was leaning against Bertie's chest, happy and comfortable about being together again.

Edith started telling him about Marigold. She had already told him about Michael going to Germany to divorce his insane wife.

"We... well, Marigold is his daughter, as you have probably guessed. But he never knew about her. He and his wife had tried to get children for fifteen years before she got ill, so I guess we didn't think there was much risk. It was only that one night you see. The night before he left. I had a feeling I would never see him again..."

Bertie was quiet. He didn't want to interrupt her. He had asked her to tell him, now he had to listen.

"Then he disappeared, as you know. And I found out that I was expecting. I was devastated, I had no idea how happy it would make me in the end."

The next thing was the hardest to tell. Maybe she shouldn't do it, there was probably no risk he would ever find out. But no, she had decided to tell him everything.

"I wanted to have it removed, I even went to one of those doctors. But I couldn't do it, I just turned around and left. I wanted my child, I have wanted children all my life. What if this was my last chance?"

"Oh! My poor darling! I'm so happy you didn't go through with it!" Bertie said. "I love your little girl!"

Edith smiled again. The rest of it was easier to tell. The first trip to Switzerland, the next trip there. The Drewes. Edith fetching Marigold to London. Her mother finding a way of getting them back to Downton.

"I think you are very brave not to have given your daughter up", Bertie said when she had finished. "Most woman would have done that, under the circumstances."

"No, you are wrong", Edith said. "I didn't keep Marigold because I'm brave. I kept her because it was absolutely impossible for me to give her up. I'm sure I hurt people, especially Mrs Drewe, but I just had to have Marigold back."

...

Later Bertie told Edith what his mother had said about his own birth. It came as a relief to Edith that the stern mother had said she was happy about Bertie trying to win Edith back. Edith had been quite a bit afraid of Bertie's mother.

Bertie still had a thing that worried him though.

"What if Gregson would come back? Would you still want to marry me?"

"He won't come back. He is dead. They let his dentist compare his teeth, it is very reliable."

"But if they had made a mistake and he did come back? What then?"

Edith had to be honest with him. So she thought it over a little while extra. But there was still no doubt about it in her mind.

"I used to love him, it's true, but it is all over now. Even if he would come back, which I'm sure he won't, I still wouldn't want to marry him. Don't worry! You are the one I love now, Bertie. There isn't much chance that will change."

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AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for the lovely reviews!

...

Just one last chapter to go. That is all I will manage to write before Christmas.


	12. Edith and Bertie - A Sort of Epilogue

When Bertie kissed Edith in the hallway of her flat that day he was careful only to touch her with his lips. He wanted her to be able to take a step back or turn her head away if she didn't want him to kiss her.

He didn't want to impose himself on her. He only wanted to show her that he loved her. And he had been too nervous to find any words.

It was a great relief for Bertie when he felt Edith answering his kiss. He was so happy when she put her arms around him and held him close.

This was the second time he had kissed Edith without being at all certain that he would be welcome. He had been even more nervous this time than when he had kissed her for the very first time after putting her cape on that day, many months ago.

He was glad that he had kissed her today. Because knowing she accepted him had made him less nervous. It had made him able to speak again, to find the right words - or at least almost the right words - to tell her how much he had missed her.

He had kissed her so many times between that first time and now, and usually he wasn't nervous at all. Nice and automatic, she had once called it. He had found that slightly insulting at the time, but perhaps it was the perfect description of how easy and natural their relationship was.

...

Bertie kissed Edith many more times that day before he left her in the evening.

He did leave her in the evening though. Edith had told him she was going back to Downton and Marigold with the morning train, so he decided that he could as well come with her so they could announce their engagement to her family. She agreed to that and a little while later he left her to let her get a good night's sleep before their early journey, promising to meet her in good time at the train station the next day.

But of course she couldn't sleep much that night. She was too happy.

Neither could he.

...

Three months later Bertie and Edith were married at the Downton village church. The Marquess of Hexham marrying the daughter of the Earl of Grantham who was also the owner of the Sketch - it was called the wedding of the year in all the papers.

A year after that their little boy was born. He was, of course, given the name Peter. Three years later their little Rosamund arrived to complete their family of five.

Marigold was happy about her new siblings. She had missed Sybbie and George when she and her mother - who wasn't just Aunt Edith after all - moved to Brancaster to her new father. Moving away from her cousins had only been partly compensated by her new Papa having a big castle of his own for them all to live in.

...

Did Edith and Bertie make it to their wedding night without getting "carried away" like Bertie's parents had been? Well, their kisses were getting hotter and deeper during their engagement, their embraces longer and more tender so there was of course a certain risk that they wouldn't.

But I think that this is their private business, and I ought to leave it like that. Suffice it to say that Edith wasn't pregnant on her wedding day.

Or does it suffice? Because, although Edith wasn't pregnant she wasn't entirely certain of that fact.

...

Edith and Laura continued their campaign for unmarried mothers and their children. It led to the whole thing getting accepted in society many decades earlier than it would otherwise have been. Things worth having are worth fighting for, as Edith had learnt so often in the past.

One of the most successful articles was published almost a year after Edith's marriage to Bertie. It was written by Edith herself and told about her experience of having to hide the child she was so proud of.

Perhaps it was the fact that Edith was a Marchioness and heavily pregnant at the time that made this easier for people to accept. Perhaps it was the fact that her husband so obviously stood by her. This was one of the first of the many causes he had told his future wife that he would fight for on that bench at Downton Abbey when he had worried about becoming a Marquess.

"I'm proud of my wife and she has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of", he told a reporter from one of the most notorious gossip papers. "And I don't want to comment any further on this, all you need to know is in my wife's article in the Sketch. You can read that."

Even more important was perhaps that Edith's mother-in-law supported her wholeheartedly.

"Marigold is a wonderful little girl and I am proud and happy to have her in our family", she said to the reporter. "Her mother is lovely too. I think my son has made the perfect choice."

The gossip paper still considered publishing an indignant article about Lady Edith's loose morals, but realised it would only make them seem hopelessly old fashioned and out of date.

...

Another cause that both the Sketch and the Marquess of Hexham fought for was Irish independence. Edith asked Tom Branson to write a number of articles about that for the Sketch. He was happy to concede, not only because the cause was very dear to him - in fact the dearest cause of all - but also because it gave him a chance to go down to London and speak about his articles to Laura, Edith's editor.

A year later the two of them were married, giving little James and Sybbie two small twin brothers the year after that.

Laura had written her own article for the Sketch about her role as an unmarried mother, but not before she had told Tom about little James.

Tom decided to move to London after their marriage so Edith offered him a post as co-editor. Laura and Tom took care of the Sketch together, with Edith coming in only occasionally since she was living much further away now and had a lot to do on the very big estate.

Edith had been afraid of having a male editor, but this was Tom, who had given her so much support over the years.

Edith and Laura were both happy that their stories were all out in the open now, and also that they now at last dared to let their children call them Mama. And call their husbands Papa.

...

Isobel married Lord Merton and was henceforth called Lady Merton. But not by little George, of course, who continued to call her Granny. Isobel moved to her husband's estate, leaving Crawley House in the village free. Cora and Robert decided to move there with only a couple of the servants and leave Downton Abbey to Mary and her new husband.

Their new home was indeed a lot more comfy.

...

Mary's marriage turned out surprisingly happy, although she had been more or less bullied into marrying Henry.

She didn't get any children with her new husband, which was perhaps as well. She tried to be a good mother to little George, but she really enjoyed taking care of Downton much better than she enjoyed motherhood. And she had had enough of sibling jealousy for the rest of her life.

She told her new husband before their wedding that she was going to buy a contraceptive device - but of course she already had one. It really came as a relief to him, he was much more interested in cars than in children and found it hard enough to take an interest in little George.

What Edith had said on the day of Mary's wedding had struck a cord in her sister. Mary and Edith got along a lot better the few times a year they met after that. They weren't exactly friends, but at least they tried to be civil to each other. Especially since their husbands were such good friends.

Bertie never blamed Mary for making him split up with Edith. He was of the opinion that he only had himself to blame. And that those horrible weeks apart had been good for him, making him realise how utterly important and precious Edith was to him.

So Edith thought that what had happened that morning was her own fault, Bertie thought it was his own fault and Mary thought it was her fault.

No one blamed anyone else, which was in many ways perfect.

...

And Lady Violet? Well - what can I say. This is my story and I don't want to kill her off. So she just lived on and on, her tongue not getting softer and herself not getting wiser as the years went by.

She was of the opinion that she was wise enough already, of course.

...

This is the end of the story.

Merry Christmas to all of you! Happy Holiday

Or God Jul! as we say here in Sweden. I'm off to celebrate!

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AN: Thank you for reading! Thank you for all the lovely comments to last chapter and all the earlier ones!

I don't agree with everything you write, but it is always interesting to hear what you think. (I don't find Gregson at all likeable, for instance.)

...

And thank you all for following me on this journey along the road of wishfulfillment that writing fanfiction is to me.

I'm not sure but I think this is the longest Edith/Bertie fanfiction ever written, which, admittedly, doesn't amount to much.

...

Looking forward to the CS, but even if I'm happy about it I will probably still prefer my own version of Bertie and Edith's story. I want Edith and Bertie to get together only because Bertie realises he was wrong and goes after her, I don't want anyone else to interfere in that.

And I like Bertie's mother to behave like she does in my story, because that will make life easier for Edith and Marigold. But I will of course enjoy Bertie standing up for Edith to her on the screen if that happens.

...

I have just seen the BAFTA celebration. I'm glad to see that Harry Hadden-Paton, who plays Bertie, was there! I think he did a great job playing this very adorable man.

...

If Julian Fellowes will ever read this, which of course I doubt, I want to thank him for creating all the lovely and believable characters of Downton.

I think that all of us fanfiction writers have reason to thank him.


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